Well, it’s been a while since I blogged, nearly 4 months, I have neglected my blog. Mind you, it’s not just my blog I’ve neglected

  1. Healthy eating
  2. Exercise
  3. Sobriety
  4. My relationships (Man/friends/myself
  5. My Sanity
  6. My workload…..

The list goes on. I don’t know how to break this cycle of procrastination then guilt then procrastination because I feel guilty so instead I just carry on and wash all that guilt down with a liberal dose of red wine.

There is a big, big birthday coming up early next year. One of those birthdays that makes you look back and reflect on life, where you are, what you’ve achieved, the people in your life, the relationships you have (and the ones’s you have lost) and when you’ve done with the looking back and working out what you still want/need to do then the reality of how little time you (may) have left to do it really hits you.

Then I panic, I feel guilty that I haven’t done more by now, that I have wasted too much of my life, too much time and money on things (and people) that didn’t matter and were pointless and destructive. The reality of an old age without savings, our own home, financial security or any real plan of where we will be or how we might get there overwhelms me and I find myself unable to do anything so I procrastinate, make useless lists, write a bolt post, sort something out, tidy up – drink!

It’s also a birthday that’s likely to bring on now, or in the near future, a whole raft of unwelcome hormones, hot flushes and the like, maybe they are already there lurking and destroying what little focus and tolerance I had in me, who knows?

I will, as usual, start 2014 on a diet. There’s no point in pretending I’m going to do anything about my weight this side of the new year – there are way too many excuses to eat and drink between now and January 1st. I did ok for a while but it all went to pot in the last four months and although I haven’t put it all back on I’ve done plenty of damage.

I need some order in my life, I need to sort my head out, because I’m not sure where it is at the moment, it’s in a bad place with dark thoughts and filled with anger and frustration bouncing around in all directions with no focus and no aim and until I fix that I can’t hope to fix anything else.

I’ll try to blog a little more before the end of this year and I hope that future posts might feel more positive.


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